A man has an internal conflict with himself about whether opening up about his sexual orientation is right for him. He doesn’t want people to look at him differently.
Is it the way I wear these shirts, sag my pants, or rock these J’s? Is it how I smile, the reason you might look my way? My jawline is nice but that doesn’t make me less of a man, you look at me as if I’m an illegal alien. Right, because the angles on a man’s face are always obtuse? Should I tighten up these jeans but still look mean? Tell me how should I act? Do I put up a front and tell the whole world, “no,” or maybe just come clean because I’m just too tired of being on the down low? Everyday mama asks me, “Troy are you okay?” I say yeah but I’m not because I have a feeling that I’m gay. See, it’s different with me. I grew up in poverty. All the boys always said, “You gotta get the girls, Troy.”
Now don’t get me wrong I want to open up! But if I tell them I’m gay they’ll go tell the next, and now look—the whole world knows! I’m not looking for your sympathy. I’m looking for someone who can understand that if I open up and come clean I will be a free man. Society says being gay is a sin, but they have to realize that I am not happy within. Living a life that isn’t meant for me, but I’m scared to confess because to everyone in the hood I am a real man in the streets.
It’s a burning sensation from which I must cool down, a feeling that is taking over. This thought has always sat in the back of my head but it’s hard to grasp. As I sit and envision my near future I see how my life could be. The world will soon look at me wrong, but my soul has been screaming, “Free me!” on the inside all along.